I Still Miss You

You know it is funny or maybe horrible how the mind works. I can remember everything from that day but I can't remember what day it actually was. Was it Monday or Tuesday? Was it December 4th, 5th or 6th? I don't know and sometimes it makes me want to scream and cry because how could I have forgotten what day it was? It was the worst day of my life, how do you forget? I remember where I was, I was driving on Foothill at the light for Foothill and Mulberry right by Taco Bell. It was about 2:45, I had just picked up Cheyanne from school, dropped her off at the babysitter and gone by Baja Fresh and ordered but did not eat chicken nachos. I remember everything that was said to me that day, everyone who tried to make me feel better, driving home and driving up the hill it was getting late I was hungry because I never ate my lunch. We stopped by burger king on Bear Valley Rd. and I picked at a cheese burger and some fries. I remember all of the phone calls I had to make and how hard they were to make. I remember everything in that house. I remember the way everything looked and what was said. But I can't remember what day it was. I just know that it was sometime around today 3 years ago. The worst day of my life.

I want to apologize now for all of the above because I try to keep this cheerful but I need to say it somewhere because it is that time again. I wrote this poem on December 7th, 2006. I still miss you Bratt and I still love you.

Hard to Love
For Leslie

My sister, my friend

Like black and white we were
I was the cautious one always thinking things through
Afraid sometimes to take the risk of disappointing those we loved.

You were like a bolt of lightning
Beautiful, amazing, dangerous, reckless and sometimes scary as hell

How I hated you and loved you all at the same time
You were hard for me to love

Not hard because you weren’t likable or lovable but hard because loving you meant watching you struggle, feeling your pain
And watching you make choices I didn’t always agree on
And I was sure were not right.

But you did it your way and in taking all of those risks you had a beautiful life. I admired you your spirit, your courage, your fire

You were my first black eye and one of my best friends
You were caring and spiteful
Loving and sometimes hurtful
Truthful and manipulating
But you were you
You were my sister and I miss you and I love you
In all of your ways


Christina J. Fisher
Dec. 11,2006